


but what will we do when we're sober?

by Nightblaze



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: F/F, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Rachel-Centric, im on a mission to spice up the tag, rachel and leah are in love your honor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:35:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28400265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightblaze/pseuds/Nightblaze
Summary: somewhere along the way, rachel caught feelings for leah. things get complicated when nora dies.
Relationships: Rachel Reid/Leah Rilke
Comments: 22
Kudos: 66





	but what will we do when we're sober?

**Author's Note:**

> leachel nation rise 😏🤝😏

The whole day had been a bit of a mess. The scuffle in the morning, trudging around in the forest for hours, the quicksand, the waterhole, Jeanette’s empty grave… God, Rachel just wanted to sleep.

She closed her eyes, fully intending to do so, but her mind began to drift.

Rachel could still feel the mud pulling her down. The utter panic, the inability to help herself when she had always been her own savior before. She could still feel Martha’s hand on her face, could still hear her words echoing in her head.

_Just breathe,_ Rachel thought. _They’ve got you._

She opened her eyes. Sleep wasn’t going to come.

The fire was still burning, bathing the camp in an orange glow. When Leah had returned from Jeanette’s grave, she’d offered to take the first fire watch and make sure it didn’t burn out, and she was still sitting there, silently staring at the light. The rest of the girls were already sound asleep.

Rachel could pretend she never got up at all, and Leah would be none the wiser. She had no idea what she would say to her, let alone how to broach the topic of any of their bullshit.

The memory of the look they shared after Rachel was pulled from the mud—the same look when Leah had handed her book over to her—surfaced in her mind. Two moments of a flicker of understanding between them.

Rachel pushed herself forward. 

“Hey,” she said, quiet as to not wake up the others, and sat up.

Leah startled. “Oh, Jesus,” she sighed. “Scared me.”

Rachel cracked a small smile. “What were you thinking about? You were a million miles away.”

“Jeanette,” Leah admitted after a pause. “It’s… Well, you said it well enough. It’s weird as shit.”

“Yeah,” Rachel agreed. It was bothering her, too, but it looked like it had really ingrained itself in Leah’s head. Rachel almost got it. She got obsessive, too, just in a different way. She subconsciously lifted a hand to the back of her head, to the place they’d had to staple her skin back together, and traced the scar.

The silence went on for a long moment.

“So what made you change your mind? About the book?” Rachel asked. Leah didn’t look up from the fire and for a second Rachel wondered if asking was a mistake. Their relationship was rocky at best and it wouldn’t be good for anybody if it got any worse.

“I dunno,” Leah finally said. “I guess I was tired of holding onto him.”

“You mean your loverboy?”

“Yeah. I think I’m better off without him. And we really did need the tinder, so.”

“Chicks before dicks,” Rachel said and felt strangely proud of herself when Leah chuckled. “And, uh,” she began before hesitating. She never liked admitting when she was in the wrong. It was like admitting weakness, in a way, but hey, she’d already had to rely on everyone else to pull her out of quicksand today, so if she was still concerned about being the strong one… well, good luck with that. “I’m sorry about the shit with the blackbox. You could’ve drowned and it was fucked up of me to pull you back down.”

“We got it, didn’t we?” Leah shrugged. “I _was_ pissed, though. So thanks. And sorry for trying to beat the shit out of you over that book.”

“Water under the bridge, or whatever. I’m cool if you’re cool.”

“I don’t have to go diving off a cliffside for any more mirrors?”

“Please don’t.”

“Yeah, then we’re cool.” Leah finally looked up and met Rachel’s eyes. “Is your head okay?”

Rachel hadn’t realized she had started to trace the scar on the back of her head again. “Oh, yeah. Old injury. From a bad dive. Damn, girl, you notice shit.”

“Sometimes it seems like it’s all I do,” Leah quipped with just a note of bitterness.

“Huh. You continue to surprise me, Virginia Woolf,” Rachel said. Leah smiled and turned her gaze back to the fire.

“I’m going to take that as a compliment.”

“Feel free.”

* * *

Rachel took a deep breath, got a running start and dove into the freezing ocean

She’d been prepared for the chill, but it still made her body scream out and threaten to seize up. She wasn’t somebody who gave up just like that. Rachel pushed through it and cut her way through the choppy waves towards Leah.

_I got you,_ she thought as she looped her arms under Leah’s and began the arduous swim back to shore. _I’ve got you._

Dot and Fatin pulled Leah from her when she got close enough. Rachel wanted to protest, hated that they were taking her away when she needed to know Leah was okay, but she was too exhausted to say anything. She leaned against Nora and they stumbled onto the beach before collapsing on the sand.

Fatin was the one who got to comfort Leah, give her the pill, hold her until she gave way to sleep. Rachel gripped Nora’s arms wrapped around her and wished she was gentle enough to do it, instead.

“Thanks,” Fatin said to Rachel as they all sat around the fire just an hour later. “For saving her, I mean. I don’t know what we would’ve done if you weren’t there.”

“For real,” Dot agreed. Nora nodded and put a comforting hand on Rachel’s back.

It should’ve felt good, this kind of appreciation, but she was confused. Rachel had been so afraid of diving again but when faced with the idea of losing Leah there had been no questions. No second guessing.

It had been the most certain Rachel had been about anything and she wasn’t quite sure if she understood why. It was like a word on the tip of her tongue.

“I’m going to take a nap,” she said, and proceeded to stare at the sky for the next several hours, sleep the farthest thing from her mind.

Rachel didn’t get to think about it much more, because in a day, everything went to shit and there were bigger problems to worry about than identifying the nature of her feelings for Leah.

* * *

Returning to normal life was hard. Impossible, even. How could anything go back to normal without Nora? 

Martha, too, of course, but there was a hollowness that came from losing a twin and Rachel didn’t know how to deal. She looked down at her missing hand, the emptiness a grim reminder of the island, the deaths, and Leah spilling the truth about Nora’s betrayal.

Rachel was alone in New York. Her parents were hurting, too, but they hadn’t been there. They couldn’t understand the extent of the trauma, how deeply it cut that it was _Leah_ of all people who figured it out.

Still, though, the months went by, and every day the pain grew smaller. It was still white-hot agony, but all the rage and fire in Rachel’s head slowly cleared to show reality: Nora was dead. Nora had known the truth about the island the whole time. Nora was still her sister, and Rachel still loved her, no matter what. If anyone had a problem with that, they could shut the fuck up.

They had all kept in touch, for the most part. Toni stopped responding for weeks at a time, and Shelby was touch-and-go at giving updates on how they were doing. Leah told them the legal updates, trying to stay as unemotional as possible as to not upset the more volatile souls in the group chat—on more than one occasion, Rachel received drunk apology texts from her in the middle of the night. Leah always managed to delete them come morning, unaware that Rachel had already seen it. Fatin and Dot tried to keep things more lighthearted, sending pictures of their daily lives. It came as no surprise when it was those two who invited the remaining girls to celebrate New Year’s in their apartment in Los Angeles.

Rachel thought it was a supremely bad idea, but then Leah said she would be there and she packed her bags.

Time gave clarity, and Rachel knew that she had feelings for Leah, and based on her drunken ramblings she had an inkling Leah felt the same way. It was just hard to know where they stood after everything.

Hopefully New Year’s would give them a chance to talk.

Fatin and Dot’s apartment was a cozy space. They’d really turned it into a home for themselves; the spice cabinet was fully stocked, pictures of them and framed newspaper clippings hung from the wall, and their cat lazed about like it had lived there for years. Rachel slept on their couch, having arrived a day early, and woke up to the sound of them cooking breakfast together, laughing and chatting quietly in the kitchen.

Rachel envied them. They’d found each other and managed to carve out their own place in the world, while she felt like a chicken running around with its head cut off.

Shelby and Toni got there next, strained expressions on both of their faces. Losing Martha had wrecked Toni in the same way losing Nora had wrecked Rachel. When Toni hugged Rachel in greeting, they gave each other sad smiles. The impossible pain of losing a sister wasn’t lessened, but it was nice to have that solidarity.

Leah barely arrived in time for dinner, and as they ate, conversation flowed smoother than Rachel though anyone expected it to. She picked at her food and piped up at the right times, and wondered how deeply the others felt the gaping hole where Nora and Martha should have been.

Towards the end of the meal, Rachel glanced up to see Leah staring right at her, and suddenly all the nights spent talking by the fire or snacking while watching the crashing waves came rushing back. Then all the days without Nora, with Leah’s seemingly irrational theories proven right time and time again, and the rescue.

Fatin must’ve sensed the shift in energy, because she interrupted whatever conversation to say, “Rachel, can you give me a hand setting up the snacks?”

“Shit, I’ve only got one left,” Rachel joked on instinct, and Leah snorted.

God, that was all it took to get her heart melting again. Rachel had forgotten how good it felt to make her laugh.

The rapid conversation proved too much as the night wore on. Rachel stepped out onto the balcony to take a breather. The view was amazing, so much like New York and yet still so different. The air was refreshingly cool.

Leah followed her out.

“Hey,” she greeted. Rachel sat herself down in a chair, and Leah got her own, scooting just a tiny bit closer.

“Hey,” Rachel replied. She saw Leah purse her lips out of the corner of her eyes. Deciding to talk before Leah wore herself out on anxious thoughts, Rachel asked, “How are you?”

Leah exhaled heavily. “Sick of my parents and thinking about you. What about you?”

“Pretty much the exact same,” Rachel admitted and she cracked a smile when she saw Leah do the same. “I’ve never been good at the emotional shit, so do you mind if I just jump to the chase?”

“Be my guest.” Leah shifted to face her.

“I’ve got feelings for you. I’ve had them for a long time, and that’s been hard because of…” Rachel had to take a deep breath, because just saying her name will make her heart shatter. “Nora. I don’t care what she did, she’s always going to be my sister and I love her. And I hate to say it because man, I really like you, but if that’s a problem I have to ask you to fuck off.”

“God, Rach, of course not.” Leah reached out and took her hand. “I acted so stupid on the island. None of that was Nora’s fault and I feel like shit that I ever blamed her for any of it.”

Rachel nodded and gripped Leah’s hand tighter. “I miss her so much,” she whispered. “I miss her so much it hurts.”

She barely noticed when Leah pulled her into a hug as she started to sob. “I’m so sorry,” Leah said, and Rachel could hear the tears in her voice.

For some time between a minute and an eternity, they stood there, unable to let go. Rachel took a deep breath and said “We’ve got each other now, okay?”

Leah pressed a kiss to Rachel’s forehead. “We’ve got each other.”

The moment was interrupted when the balcony door slammed open. “Happy New Year, motherfuckers!” Dot shouted, wielding a pan and a stainless steel ladle, followed by the other girls with various assortments of kitchenware and celebratory exclamations. Soon enough the air was filled with metallic clamoring. Rachel couldn’t hear Leah laughing over the sound, but she could feel it and couldn’t help but join in.

The cacophonous symphony washed away the terrors of the last year, and Rachel smiled, wrapped up in Leah’s arms, as she felt a new beginning emerge from the din.

**Author's Note:**

> im @gemin0 on tumblr if you want to say hello or send any prompts or headcanons!! <3 hope you enjoyed the fic


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